"You know your daddy loves you baby" is one of the cruelest sentences a daughter can hear when her dad is a narcissist. I know this because I hear it way too often, always after he has spent days emotionally shredding me.
My father is a narcissist. This is a word that gets thrown around a lot. When somebody is selfish, self absorbed, and or does things that are thoughtless and hurtful we call them a narcissist but most of the time they really aren't, they're just an asshole. A real narcissist is terrifying and I am currently at the mercy of one.
The power of a narcissist is so insidious. They keep you under control and feeding their needs by turning the sunshine on. You see a narcissist isn't always terrible. They can make you feel like the most important, special and treasured person in their life. They make you feel needed. They pull you in playing on all your healthy thinking and natural helpful inclinations. They use your desire to be a good person as their bate and once you realize something is wrong you are already caught in the trap.
That's were I am now. Caught inside his terrible trap.
The damage and abuse is constant and seeps into every part of my life making it hard to see life correctly, think clearly and to heal. I also think that it made me vulnerable to choosing a broken man to marry. My husband isn't a narcissist but he is definitely broken and if I had not been damaged by my narcissist father would I have recognized it and made different, healthier choices? Probably.
The damage I'm incurring daily also makes it difficult to have healthy relationships with others. I second guess, overthink, and mistrust everyone. This I have no doubt allows for unhealthy relationships and patterns to continue. It's like being knocked down by a wave and tumbled around in the surf. You get a breath for a second and the next wave rolls over you. Now if you are not a beach kid the best way to deal with this is to curl up in a ball and sink to the sand. This lets you know where bottom is, you then push off hard so you can pop up and be the right way up and swim to safety.
So maybe you have a narcissist in your life and you feel like the crazy one. Maybe everyone tells you, your being over dramatic, that so and so is so funny, nice, charming and they can't imagine things could be that bad. I understand, I am told on a daily basis, how delightful my dad is and how FUN it must be to work with him everyday. Well you are not crazy, you are abused. You are not being over dramatic you are having a trauma response. If you are married to this person, I strongly encourage you to leave them (it will not be easy, they will make it hell). But you will be better off, if you have kids the less contact with the narcissist the better. Educate yourself and them on the manipulations they use to control. If your narcissist is someone else in your life I encourage you to go no contact. This is for your protection.
Narcissism isn't like other mental health issues that can be managed. These are not people who want to get help, who want to change. I know people often soften their advice or opinions in blogs especially when it comes to a mental health issue, but I absolutely am saying if you have a narcissist in your life and their is anyway you can NEVER interact with them again take that path and don't look back. Get out of the trap and you will start to live a total different life.
That is what I am trying to do. Right now I'm curled in a ball at bottom of the ocean. Finding a new job and escaping my narcissist is going to be my popping up to the surface. Then I'll be able to swim to safety and figure what condition the rest of my relationships are really in.
I hope the same for all of us dealing with narcissistic abuse and I wish good luck to all of us dealing with these psychological monsters.