D-day is the short hand for the day a partners affair is discovered. It's a terrible day, full of pain and confusion. It is a day that is burned into my memory like a brand.
October 14, 2017
I didn't feel well but really that's pretty normal for me since I have Fibromyalgia. But I was determined to pull myself together and go to this party because my husband had pleaded with me to go. It was a birthday party for one our closest friends. We had to go in costume and I had made us a fabulous couples costume. So off we went.
They evening was nice, I'm a very shy person and even though I knew a lot of people at this party I still get uncomfortable. So I'd find a friend and we'd chat, my husband whose is always the life of the party would come by and check on me. He'd bring me a drink or snack, ask if I was ok and then off he'd go. Now my husband is also a little rowdy when drunk not in a bad way but he likes to make loud proclamations. Usually he stands on a chair (even though he's already taller than everyone else) and announces "I've been drinking" to which everyone applauds and laughs. But on this night he would stand on chair and proclaim his love for me and how he was the luckiest man and that I was the most beautiful, intelligent and perfect wife on earth.
Everyone would laugh and cheer and it was very sweet.
Finally he was so drunk he could barely stand. So a couple of our friends helped me get him to the car and I drove home. I then managed to get him inside and on the couch. His phone had started going nuts and he was trying to punch in the code to unlock it and was too drunk, so I did it for him.
"hey babe did you make it home ok?"
I stared at this message confused and then thought oh maybe it's one of his buddies from the party because they like to send each other slightly sexually harassing messages like "Hi Sexy" and "hello Ladies are you down for a good time tonight". So I scrolled to see who it was and the persons name was NOBODY?
So I went back to the message and read it again and started reading the rest of the exchange that evening he'd been having with NOBODY. They were talking about how he wished she was there instead of her.
I realized the "her" was me, the 1st real stab of pain broke through the fog of confusion.
They talked about how much they missed each other and that it wouldn't be much longer until they could be together again and then there were the I love you and I love you too's. He was texting NOBODY all these sweet things while at the party. The same party he had doted on me and proclaimed his great love for me.
I kept scrolling, messages from other days reminiscing about the last time they had had sex. Planning their rendezvous. I clicked on the name and a picture of one our friends popped up. I stared at the picture of this woman I had just been joking with on Facebook a few days ago. The woman who I'd welcomed into my home on multiple occasions. That was invited to all and any special events, that was apart of the inner circle. Her smiling face glowed at me on my husbands phone.
"Are you fucking around with Joyeux?"
My drunken husband popped up and reached for his phone "what? oh! don't read those, it's not what you think?" he lunged again and fell off the couch. I started walking away and up the stairs him staggering after me. "please don't read those" he begs as he grabs me around the waist. I shove his hands off me and storm into the bedroom and lock the door. He's pounding on the door, spilling lie after lie to explain what I'm reading. Finally he's quiet and I keep reading. I go through his entire phone. All the text messages, so graphic in their details. All the Facebook messages, all the emails, they even messaged each other on Pinterest.
I opened the door and my drunk and passed out husband fell through it. The movement woke him "I'm sorry" he mumbled. While standing over him I called her number, no answer I left a message, it was very civilized "hey Joyeux this is Morrigan, I thought you should know that I know! I know all about it and it's going to stop. I can't believe you would do this, it's so terrible, but I know and now you know that I know". My husband mumbled more apologies, I said "you are a piece of shit" and then punched him in the dick and stepped over his curled up body and sat down on my couch.
And that's when it hit. The full wave of pain. A pain I had never known. A pain that had me on my knees clutching my chest because I was sure my heart was physically coming apart. I wondered if I should call 911 it hurt so bad. I felt like I was dying and suddenly regretted all those times I'd made fun of a character in a movie or book for "dying from a broken heart". I realized it was truly possible. I don't know how long I was in that position, I just kept whispering, my girls need me, I have to survive this.
Finally it ebbed enough that I could get up off the floor. But that wound is still on my heart, and when I am sad and hurting I can feel the scar it has left. That is the day that fundamentally changed who I am forever!