It's a hot August day, the Husband and I have been texting back and forth about an upcoming event we are getting ready for, we are excited because it's a big boost for his new company. We've been doing so well and feeling very connected. The Husband has been really making an effort to make me feel valued and a priority to him and it's great. I'm thinking "ok, we are making progress, we can do this, put this behind us and move on!'
I'm sitting at my desk and hear my phone chirp, I glance at it thinking it's another message from the husband. But it's a Instagram notification from someone I don't recognize. I go ahead and open it, it is telling me to not contact her sister ever again.
I'm thoroughly confused. I click on the profile and start scrolling trying to figure who this is and why they think I'd contact their sister. Then boom, HER ugly face pops out in one of the photos. Ah ha!
The sister and I have a little DM chat and it's soon revealed that my husband had been trying to connect with HER. Apparently my letter had quite the impact because she let him have it as did her sister and I guess they wanted to make sure I knew and that we all could go our separate ways. I let the sister know that I have NO interest in communicating with HER ever again and in fact I was hoping a bus would hit her. We ended it there.
But that's not where it ended for me. My husband once again reached out to his affair partner. He broke the no contact rule and I had proof. I was done. If he couldn't leave her alone, couldn't let her go, then I wasn't going to stay with a man who longed for someone else.
This pain was different then the first discovery. The first time was like my heart being torn open with teeth and claws, but this was a deep slow burn. But also a sense of relief. I had been doing my best, pouring everything into the recovering because I'm not a quitter and he had begged me to stay, save our marriage and when I commit to something I do it full out. But if my partner wasn't going to even try then I could walk away knowing I'd done my part.
A text came in a little later from the Husband. I ignored it. In fact I ignored all the texts for hours. They started getting panicky, asking if I was ok. I finally responded with NO, a few exchanges later and he realized I knew. I knew he had lied and broken the no contact rule.
Oh boy did the panic go up and the heartfelt messages pour in. It did nothing to soften my resolve. I was leaving my husband, I was done. The wound that ripped my heart open on the first discovery and I had managed to put some loose stitches in just reopened. Not in a dramatic bring me to my knees way like the first time. Just the stitches slid out and the bleeding began again.
He begged me to meet with him. I relented and agreed to see him at a restaurant so that I could look him in the eye and say it's over. We met up and I explained that this was over, that I wasn't going to be with a man that wanted someone else.
The conversation the occurred that evening was probably the most authentic conversation we've ever had. I had nothing left to lose and knew that I'd be ok with out him. It was the first time I'd felt strong during this entire process. I finally felt as if I had my power back. I think finding those moments for a betrayed spouse is really important. So much of betrayal is how much is happening to us and around us that we don't have any choice in. So holding on to what we can choose renews our strength.
So my fellow betrayed remember you do have choices. You may not like them, they might hurt and make you angry but you have choices and that is a power that your partner can't take away from you. When you are feeling like a tiny ship tossed on the seas of someone else's storm, remember you have the power to harness the wind.